As a society, we have become so used to convenience that we can’t live without it anymore. I’m no different. When my phone runs out of batteries in the middle of the day, I feel like I’m missing a limb. I have completely embraced technology and really have come to rely on it. But even I, with my ADD tendencies typical of my generation, have a line that is not to be crossed. Sometimes I look at a product and say to myself, “if I use this, it will be admitting that I’m a complete wuss who is incapable of doing anything for myself.”
Today, I bring you some of those products. These are not your standard “crazy products for lazy people” that nobody actually uses which you’ve likely seen before (things like the rotating fork to help you eat spaghetti). These are things I’ve come across that apparently people do actually use.
Liftmaster garage door opener with battery backup
I suppose there’s nothing inherently wrong about a garage door opener. If you park your car in your garage every day, I can see how it would be a hassle to have to get out of your car, open the garage, and get back in your car every single day. But this commercial is selling you on a very specific scenario: when it’s raining and the power is out. Their garage door opener has battery backup so it will continue to work through a power outage, saving you from the torment of getting wet. Come on, people! Unless you live in an area where there are severe storms that knock out your power every week (and if you do, why don’t you have a generator?), just get out of the frigging car and spend thirty seconds in the rain to open your garage door manually. Are we really so lazy that we can’t handle the occasional rainy inconvenience?
packaged lemon/orange zest
A couple months ago I was at the grocery store check-out. As the cashier was ringing up my items, a guy walked up to him and asked him where he could find lemon zest. The cashier was as confused as I was. “Why don’t you just buy a lemon and zest it?” The cashier asked. The guy said no, he wanted a bottle of lemon zest. The cashier had to call over another employee to find out if such a thing even existed. Apparently it does! The employee led the man into the grocery store to get his bottle of lemon zest. For a mere $53.24, you could have 15 ounces of lemon zest! That’s $3.55/oz. Or you could buy lemons for, say, $0.50 a piece, and zest them yourself. Do you know how long it takes to zest a lemon? Not very long. It’s pretty much the easiest thing you can do in a kitchen. If you’re willing to pay a premium to have someone else zest your lemons for you, you need to re-prioritize your life.
the balance ball chair
Remember a couple years ago when everyone jumped onto the exercise ball as a chair craze? The idea was that sitting on an exercise ball required you to engage your back and abdominal muscles to maintain balance, giving you better posture and keeping your muscles from shriveling away due to lack of use. But man, all that balancing was just so hard. Fear not, lazy people striving to not be lazy! Now you can have your “I’m not lazy” chair in it’s new lazy-friendly form! The entire point of using an exercise ball as a chair is that it requires you to actually do some work. By putting legs and a back on it, you are completely eliminating its purpose! If you’re going to sit on an exercise ball with legs and a back, stop fooling yourself that you’re doing anything for your posture and sit in a regular chair, ok?
automatic cat toy
When you bring a pet home, you’re taking on a big responsibility. Not only do you have to feed and clean up after your pet, you also have to make sure he gets plenty of exercise and stimulation. Sometimes people don’t realize how much work they’re really signing up for. Heaven forbid you actually have to play with your cat! Well worry not, those of you who don’t have time to swing around a feather on a string. Now you can turn on your motorized string toy and relax on the couch while your cat enjoys his play time. There are plenty of products to keep your cat occupied while you’re at work so he doesn’t tear up your house, if that’s what you’re worried about. Things like scratching posts, cat nip filled toys, and flies. You don’t need a cat toy that replaces interactive play time. You wanted a cat, so play with it!